Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
