this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
