end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
