I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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