I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
