You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
