go do what you do best...puke behind churches
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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