halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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