I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize
