apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i came on her dog
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
