sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
