Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
