just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
