you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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