Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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