Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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