Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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