And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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