I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
