I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
