so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
