how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
