My nipple is on Facebook.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
