dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
