I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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