his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
