they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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