I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
