So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
