I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
