I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
