guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
