I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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