I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
