i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Pants are for mortals
i think i just lost a toe
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
