Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
