FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
