This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I can't put those talents on a resume
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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