I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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