You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
