He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
