my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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