let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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