i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
