covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
