gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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