Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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