So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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