Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
