Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Drunk is a universal language darling
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