4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i out mim tonsoeep
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