Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
